January 2007 - Lots Of Sonnets

Lots of Sonnets

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Lots of Sonnets - January 2007

Sonnet to a Typical American Idol Contestant

January 25th 2007 03:26

What came from your mouth was not quite a song
Your fifteen seconds of fame was a waste
If you were famous, now you'd be disgraced
The choice that you made was utterly wrong
Too high then too low; too weak then too strong
Your words were slurred and much too quickly paced
I'd say your audition was deuced, not aced
And your fashon sense seems older than Pong

I shall compare your voice to sounds by birds
Birds in the film of that name by Hitchcock
You might be stoned but you surely don't rock
And you do not seem to know the right words

You make the judges want to guzzle wine

Yet your voice is five times better than mine

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Sanitary Sonnet

January 22nd 2007 21:48

I've got a minor finger infection at the moment, and it isn't the most fun thing in the world to have, since I've been spending a couple of hours each of the past couple of days with my finger in a hydrogen peroxide solution. It hasn't gotten worse, but if it doesn't get better than I'll probably have to get it treated with something a bit more powerful despite my health care situation being poor even by USA standards. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but it probably got dirty somehow - hence the sanitary sonnet.

Restaurant worker, be sure to use soap
Before you touch what will become my food

To fail to do so would be rather rude
Since things only seen with a microscope
With which my body would rather not cope
Could be swallowed after my meal is chewed
And that would put me in a lousy mood
I can't make you listen, but I can hope

Do not keep your home full of filth and dust
Since that would make you less likely to sneeze
Or catch a terrible airborne disease
Making a hospital trip be a must

But don't overdo your cleaning actions
Too much can cause allergic reactions

141

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Hunny Sonnet

January 17th 2007 19:04

The bear living in the house that says "Sanders" doesn't write sonnets, does he? All evidence, such as there is, points to mister Pooh hardly ever writing at all. But if he did, would it look anything like this?

O scrumptious hunny way up in the tree!
So sticky and gooey and oh so sweet
The best thing for a toothless bear to eat
How I wish that you'd just roll down to me
Because there's a rumbly in my tumbly
Which tells me that I want a tasty treat
Which means I must climb with my arms and feet
And hope that I won't get stung by a bee

Since I have no blood or organs, just fluff
I can eat as much sugar as I please
Without fear of devastating disease
For me, too much hunny's never enough

Considering that all I eat stays in
The truth is that I'm incredibly thin

144

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Scary Sonnet

January 13th 2007 22:44

I hereby waive responsibility for any and all panic-related complications suffered as a result of reading this sonnet, regardless of whether you have children named Jason or not. I tried to make a link here before to Bryn's Horror Movie Villains post at www.horrorphile.net, but I accidentally made this window close and had to rewrite the sonnet from memory. I'm not doing that again.

Michael Myers is nearby looking cruel

[ Click here to read more ]

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Barry Bonds Sonnet

January 12th 2007 00:32

I shall compare you to the Wal-Mart chain
As you continued to increase in size

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Running Sonnet

January 6th 2007 21:31

I went running today, and ran faster than I had in quite a while. The weather, being unseasonably warm but not oppressively so, was probably at least partially responsible. It also helped that I was against the wind earlier as opposed to later, so I was able to push through it when I wasn't tired and I let it push me forward when I was. Because of that run, I'm transplanting a running sonnet from my original blog here at Orble. Here it is:

Running a long route can tire you out

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Sonnet from my 17,000 word book/poem

January 4th 2007 22:51

This was written for, and is part of, the giant book/poem that I wrote in 2005. However, it doesn't have much to do with the plot, such that one exists, so it wouldn't be a potential spoiler like the other sections of the poem that are written in sonnet form. And here it is:

My feelings are still quite hard to express

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